NEW: Please subscribe to my Substack/newsletter at the bottom of the page. Thanks!
Some Folks Shouldn’t Drive
The following are a sampling of actual answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right-of-way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Drive like Minamoto.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Accident Reports
The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible words.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
• I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
• I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
• As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
• The pedestrian had no idea which way to run so I ran over him.
• I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
• The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
• I wanted to ram this guy walking down the street cause he was so ugly I felt pity and wanted to relieve his misery.
• The pedestrian ran into my car before I ran over him.
• I shot the pedestrian before I hit him; therefore, he was already dead when I struck him.
|
 |
Subscribe to my Substack/newsletter |
ANXIOUSLY WATCHING FOR MASHIACH’S RETURN,
SPEEDILY AND IN OUR DAY. MARANA, TA!
