|
+50 |
New York tenants turn on the heat. Minnesotans plant
gardens. |
|
+40 |
Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans sunbathe. |
|
+35 |
Italian cars don't start. |
|
+32 |
Distilled water freezes. |
|
+30 |
You can see your breath. You plan a vacation in Florida.
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. Minnesotans eat ice
cream. |
|
+25 |
Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Cat
insists on sleeping on your bed with you. |
|
+20 |
Cleveland water freezes. San Franciscans start thinking
favorably of LA. Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts. |
|
+15 |
You plan a vacation in CANCUN!!!!! Minnesotans go
swimming. |
|
+10 |
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. Too cold to
snow. You need jumper cables to get the car going. |
|
0 |
New York landlords turn on the heat. |
|
-5 |
You can hear your breath. You plan a vacation in Hawaii. |
|
-10 |
American cars don't start. Too cold to skate. |
|
-15 |
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Miamians cease to exist. Minnesotans lick flagpoles. |
|
-20 |
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you.
Politicians actually do something about the homeless. People in
LaCrosse think about taking down screens. |
|
-25 |
Too cold to kiss. You need jumper cables to get the
driver going. Japanese cars don't start. Minnesota Twins head for
spring training. |
|
-30 |
You plan a two-week hot bath. Bock beer production
begins. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. |
|
-38 |
Mercury freezes. Too cold to think. Minnesotans button
top button. |
|
-40 |
Californians disappear. Car insists on sleeping in your
bed with you. Minnesotans put on sweaters. |
|
-50 |
Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the
bathroom window. Green Bay Packers practice indoors. |
|
-60 |
Walruses abandon the Aleutians. Minnesotans put gloves
away, take out mittens. Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby. |
|
-70 |
Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey
nets. Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo, WI. |
|
-80 |
Polar bears abandon Baffin Island. Girl Scouts in Eau
Claire start Klondike Derby. |
|
-90 |
Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles.
Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer. |
|
-100 |
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans pull
down earflaps. |
|
-173 |
Ethyl alcohol freezes. |
|
-445 |
Superconductivity. |
|
-452 |
Helium becomes a liquid. |
|
-454 |
Hell freezes over. |
|
-456 |
Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90. |
|
-458 |
Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution. |
|
-460 |
(Absolute Zero) All atomic motion ceases. Minnesotans
allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy. |
